After reading a rather ranting email from me about something political, my mom deduced that I “don’t like McCain’s running mate” and asked me to write another rant explaining why.  Although at some point, I resolved to ignore Governor Palin as much as possible for my own peace, I took her request as an opportunity to examine and seek to understand my unusually strong feelings- as opposed to opinions- about the candidates in this election, especially Palin.  But before I get to emotion-land, I want to clarify a couple of other things, and recap rant number one in a more organized way for our television viewers following along at home, so bear with me here.

Each citizen has the right to vote, regardless of his or her decision making abilities, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  However, I personally believe that if you’re going to vote, the most responsible way to make a choice is to try your best to set aside any conscious and subconscious preconceived ideas and seek to understand the positions and values of the candidates as best you can, in order to properly choose the candidate whose positions and values most closely align with what’s truly important to you.  Now, I have no idea if this is the correct approach or not, and granted, it’s hard to fulfill any portion of that process.  It can be difficult enough to decide what really matters, even in one’s personal life, it’s nearly impossible to set aside all our associations, especially those subconscious ones, and it’s difficult to sift through the barrage of information.  However, I believe that we should try to not only do that, but to also recognize when our minds become swayed by outside forces, when our emotions surge up and affect our reasoning, when we are motivated by our feelings.  Only through that awareness can we begin working to understand why we think and feel and choose the way that we do, and subsequently apply our judgment to make good decisions.

I imagine that I think about my responsibility in the democratic process this way because I’m a marketer.  These days, announcing that I’ve built a career in marketing to a mixed group of people gets a response similar to that previously reserved for lawyers - except they don’t think I’m loaded.   And probably for good reasons.  There are parallels.  Although I work in a different capacity now, I’ve spent a lot of my free time trying to figure out how people make decisions so that, in the context of my work, I could effectively convince them to make decisions that would benefit my organization.  In fact, that sentence right there was kind of marketing speak for “I try to understand how and why people might buy stuff they may not need or want” which is marketing speak for “I try to make you want my widget.”  (See how that worked?)  The average person understands this enough to know that the marketing person is bad.  Just like the lawyer is bad.  Except that it’s obviously not that simple.  Marketing exists, it’s out there, it’s not going to go away.  So when I’ve worried about my place in the world, about which side I’m really on, I remember that someone has to do the marketing, and that ultimately, as with lawyers, we’re all better off if it’s someone with ethics.

Anyway, because of my job, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and learning about influence and motivations.  And as a result, it’s really hard to sell me things.  I still buy things, sure, but because I’m generally familiar with sales and marketing practices (and I’m a total geek about it), it’s usually easy for me to identify when I’m being influenced, take a step back, and evaluate what I really want to do.

One of my mentors told me early on that people are only motivated by two emotions: fear and love.   For example, people buy warranties because they’re afraid things will break, and people buy three tiers of carpet covered cardboard because they love their cats.  This made sense to me, and I took it to heart.  Then some months or years later, we were arguing - er, debating- about the correct way to approach some marketing project or other.  In defensive of whatever my argument was, I cited his fear and love theory, to which he responded “I think maybe I was wrong.  People are motivated by two things, fear and death which is really just fear.”  Now, granted, I don’t know if I caught him on an off-day, with things going wrong, and an extra splash of cynicism in his coffee.   Either way, I had to think about this new version.  I decided that generally, fear is a stronger motivator for people than love.  I also decided that if that’s the reality, I may have to deal with it, but I don’t have to like it.  Remembering that although fear is often necessary and often healthy, it’s also often something to be overcome, I decided that, although we don’t always get to choose between the missused carrot and  stick, when I could choose “I love carrot” instead of “I fear stick,” I would try to be motivated by love.

Ok, so why is all this important (and when are we going to get to talk about Governor Palin)?

It’s important because “Psychological research increasingly suggests that ideologies reflect motivational processes, as opposed to the view that political convictions always reflect independent and unbiased thinking.”  (Italics mine.)  That’s from the Wikipedia entry on Conservatism, and it continues

Research in 2008 proposed that ideologies may function as prepackaged units of interpretation that spread because of basic human motives to understand the world, avoid existential threat, and maintain valued interpersonal relationships. The authors conclude that such motives may lead disproportionately to the adoption of system-justifying worldviews.

Psychologists have generally found that personality traits, individual difference variables, needs, and ideological beliefs seem to have a common thread. For instance, a meta-analysis by Jost, Glaser, Kruglanski, and Sulloway in 2003 analyzed 88 studies, from 12 countries, with over 22,000 subjects, and found that death anxiety, intolerance of ambiguity, lack of openness to experience, uncertainty avoidance, need for cognitive closure, need for personal structure, and threat of loss of position or self-esteem all contribute to the degree of one’s overall political conservatism.

Not that only conservative political convictions are formed through a motivationally based process driven by emotion rather than independent and unbiased thinking, although I do think that the very nature of textbook conservatism is especially conducive to, well, fear.  I’m not entirely convinced that the average American actually understands the definitions of various types of liberalism and conservatism when they toss those words off at random people whom they disagree with anyway though, so I won’t go off on that tangent.  My main point is that if our political convictions, especially conservative ones, are indeed formed through our motivations- as I would guess from marketing, and as appears to be backed up by psychological research-  it’s important to understand those motivations.  Primarily the fear factor.

If I can come up with this idea vaguely during a smoke break, and find some relevant, albeit disputed, information in approximately 4.5 seconds, would it be a stretch to assume that those running political campaigns have thought of this too?  Could that possibly be why the Republican party seems to reinforce what I hear from primarily white conservatives?  “I’m not racist, and I don’t feel that confident about McCain, but… [some version of I’m afraid of people of a different race/people who aren’t like me/things I don’t understand.]  Of course we’re afraid of things!  We’re afraid of losing all the money we’ve invested, we’re scared of terrorists, we’re afraid of losing our jobs, we’re afraid of getting mugged on a dark street, we’re afraid we’ll say something dumb during our presentation, we’re afraid that when we go do a new activity there will be people there we don’t know who may not like us, we’re afraid of getting pulled over for a speeding ticket, we’re afraid “they” might be listening to our phone calls, we’re afraid of the possibility of a violent national tragedy, we’re afraid of distant countries with unfamiliar names, I could go on and on and on.  It would be very simple for people who understand this concept to tack on fear that someone is secretly a Muslim extremist to that list.

Emotions may be motivators, and motivation may form ideology, but fears do not facts make.

So, speaking of emotions, when I see people being bullied by having their own subconscious fears twisted around to influence them at the detriment of our nation’s unity, yes, it makes me angry.  If it were being done by a co-worker, I’d sit down with them in the conference room and say, “Look, I don’t think this is a responsible, ethical approach for selling widgets.  Or our future leaders.  You’re preying on people, taking advantage of them, to the detriment of the personal safety of others and the future of our nation, and I’m getting upset.”

I really am getting around to Governor Palin, promise.

A fellow blogger recently discussed an appearance by Rush Limbaugh on David Letterman some years ago which was key in his decision to become an Independent.

Limbaugh was not able to admit that he saw a single good thing about Bill Clinton.  He could have said that he was a good Father; that he cared about the plight of the poor; that he had good hair:  Anything!  But he was blinded by his partisanship.  That simple exchange changed my view of pundits forever.  From that point on, I became an independent-evaluating every pundit I heard by their ability to criticize/laud BOTH parties.

And I agree with that.   So before deciding whether or not to write this post, I had to decide whether or not I had any genuinely good things to say about Sarah Palin.  I relate to and admire her ability and, one might assume, desire to consistently place herself in situations where she is way over her head, forced to wing it and push through.  It’s something I’ve had to do in my life, and I find that willingness laudable and often lacking in the world.  She does not in fact have good hair.  Moving on…

On the unbiased thinking front, I’ve also already established for myself that I disagree with Governor Palin on nearly all of the issues, so I wouldn’t vote for her anyway.  That being out of the way, I can set aside the analytics and focus on understanding my emotional motivators.  I can now, nearly 2,000 words in, begin answering my mom’s question.  Why don’t I like Sarah Palin?

I actually gave this some thought before my mom asked me the question this week.  I thought about it in the days and weeks following a particularly spirited evening at Mangia with friends about a month ago.   We had commandeered the back table of the smoking section to celebrate the return of newlywed friends from their honeymoon.  Before the first bottle of wine was consumed, the conversation turned to politics, and suddenly, the men at the table sat rather uncomfortably, trying to get a word in edgewise here or there, while we three women let loose our fear, frustration, and anger.  We subjected the restaurant to our ranting, raving, and pounding of fists, nearly drowning each other out in a passionate, argumentative agreement, stabbing our knitting needles tersely into our yarn.  One of the men at the table was trying to make the point that we shouldn’t project the hate we dislike hearing from those who differ in opinion from us.  And he’s right.  I said, “I don’t hate John McCain.”  He responded, “Just Palin?” And frankly, I demurred.

I thought about that afterward.  Do I hate Sarah Palin?  I have strong feelings about her.  But I don’t hate her.  I don’t even know her.  And really, I can’t think of anyone whom I know personally and actually hate.   A more accurate way to look at this whole thing would be to say that there are some things that I strongly dislike, maybe even hate, which are related to the idea of Sarah Palin.

Initially, I just found her fairly ridiculous, I was confused by the pick, found it an overtly calculated one, and naively assumed that most people would feel the same.  Wrong.  Dead wrong.

I remember the first time the topic came up outside my own home.  I said I thought it was a strange pick, and the person with whom I was speaking stared at me as if I had two heads and said firmly, “Everyone likes her though.  Everyone loves Sarah Palin.”  I wanted to say, “No. I don’t,” but I was too shocked.

In the following days, I heard a lot of that.  What a step this is for women.  I should relate to her, because she’s an ordinary woman like me.  She stands for family and Christian values!  She’s not like those other Washington folks!  Even some who disagree with her politics cited her as a great example for women- powerful, confident, and pretty too!  And the only women who don’t love her are single, jealous, and scared.

It got to the point where I walked around wanting to scream, “Stop speaking for me!  Stop speaking for all women everywhere!”

First, I’m going to be very clear and blunt.  I do not identify with her.  She is not like me.  She is not like my friends, or even the majority of my acquaintances and co-workers.  She is not like the women in my family.  She is not like my mom.  I do not relate to her.  I do not want to be like her.  I do not think that she is a positive role model.  I do not find her to be a good example of family or Christian values in the way I understand them.

And yes, I feel scared.  Not of the person Sarah Palin, but of the concept Sarah Palin.  I feel fear and anger when I imagine her taking a place as a prominent female role model for me, my generation, and our children as a politician, a professional, a woman, and a mother.   She in no way represents the daily struggles, concerns, and sacrifices of average women.

Professionally, her demeanor is in direct opposition to attitudes that working women at all levels have been struggling with and fighting against for decades.  For her to become an accepted role model would be a step backward for feminism.  We don’t need someone to teach us the old wink and smile routine.  We’ve got that one down, but some of us prefer not to use it.  And, pit bulls aside, I love lipstick.  But I don’t feel the need to talk about it during a serious professional conversation.

On the family values issue, it’s been said that the candidates’ families should be off limits, which I agree with to a certain extent.  Trashing someone’s family is uncalled for.  However, discussing the politically significant circumstances of the family of a candidate who is running on a family values platform?  Completely appropriate.  Sarah Palin does not represent the circumstances and values of the mothers - single and married, working and stay at home - whom I know.  I can’t think of a single woman I know, Republican, Democrat, bleeding heart feminist, and everything in between who finding themselves with five children, one a few months old with special needs and one a pregnant teenager, would choose to make a major career decision entailing additional time away from home let alone run for Vice President of the United States.  I can’t think of a single person.  The women and mothers that I know are struggling to navigate through a world in which women have to make tough choices.   When they make the decision to have children or when they have to deal with an unexpected pregnancy, average women have to make career changes, find day care, juggle family responsibilities, possibly turn down that promotion which entails more travel, take a pay cut, get a second job.  Mothers and fathers have to curb their spending and cut their budgets in order to balance work loads, income, and family responsibilities.  Couples choose not to have children at all because they want to do other things.  Women decide not to have children because they can’t really afford it.  These are real issues, real choices, real struggles, and they are extremely important in our society today.  The answer is not “See, look, women can do it all!”  Woman CAN do anything we want to, but we cannot always do everything we want at the same time.  Not if we truly value any of it.   I obviously don’t know Sarah Palin personally, but I get the impression that she is doing what she wants, when she wants, to the detriment of her family, herself, and now possibly the country.  The idea that she is a positive example of family values simply because she has five kids and a husband, attends church, says gosh darn, and is still running for VP is false.

I think most people do understand that unplanned pregnancies happen, sometimes to unwed teenagers.  Compassion is a good thing in my book.  Being around enough to try to make sure this doesn’t happen to your kid too soon is an even better thing in my book, but I understand that parents can’t control everything anyway.  However, just because Palin’s daughter is not having an abortion doesn’t automatically make Governor Palin a sterling example of family values.  Or even all that compassionate toward her child.  If the couple really does wish and plan to marry as we’ve been told, which is anyone’s guess, something like encouraging them to marry right away, then quietly announcing the pregnancy following that rather than exposing a couple of awkward teenagers who appear to have made a mistake to a media circus and the scrutiny of the universe might have been more compassionate.

As far as religious, specifically so-called Christian values, the Republican party wants us to believe that they own Christianity in America.  They don’t, and putting Governor Palin in this position to motivate a percentage of their base doesn’t change that.  To some of us, it smacks of condescending to conservative Christians.  To paraphrase a question I heard secondhand

Why is it that a woman… who has yet to speak publicly about her faith and who has a pregnant, out of wedlock teenage daughter is being held up as a beacon of faith… and the man who publicly accepted Christ as his savior 20 years ago, has spoken eloquently on the subject on a number of occasions and has arguably dedicated the majority of his life to public service which he has stated is, at least in part a reaction to his own salvation is subjected to suspicion that he might be “a secret Muslim.”

And frankly, perpetuating fear and hatred doesn’t strike me as the embodiment of a particularly Christian value.   By my interpretation, the Gospel is far more focused on how one should treat other people, the poor, the sick, the rejected, than it is what we do in our bedrooms or how large of a mortgage we can get.  Its message is love, not fear.  But that’s just my take, not the one commonly associated with stirring up the Republican base or the age old practice of using organized religion for political gain.

I’m supposed to like Sarah Palin because she’s “spunky,” a breath of fresh air.  That used to work when selling tampons and handbags, but the potential #2 leader of the free world is a different matter.  In fact, she’s more snarky and sarcastic than spunky, which are generally attitudes avoided by the truly strong, confident female role models I know, and for very good reason.  We don’t need any more cute and bitchy women on our televisions.  We don’t need pit bulls in lipstick.  We need women who have charm and grace and true confidence, yes, but we also need women who have educated and informed themselves, who work hard, who can present their views eloquently and correctly with conviction.  We need women who think independently.  We need women with innovative ideas.  We need female leadership that we can feel confident following.

So yeah, I hate the idea of Sarah Palin.  And I’m afraid of what she represents. But I plan to go back to ignoring her now, because fear is not the only motivator.

(And in case you were wondering about my own mom, she was and is wonderful.)

As the political and economic situations continue to keep everyone on edge, my car was basically totaled by a drunk driver - luckily it was parked at the time and I wasn’t in it- so I spent last week hitching a ride to work and cursing uninsured motorists while, like many other people, worrying about layoffs.  I declared FAIL when it comes to the St Louis City Water Division’s customer service.   At the My Bloody Valentine concert, I managed to gently set down a lot of the resulting angst while staring into blinding strobes and allowing the physical sensations of overwhelming noise course through my body for twenty straight minutes, which was a surprising short cut the sweet relief of meditation, who knew?  And in the good news column, we’re in the current issue of ReadyMade Magazine and I have some cool art stuff coming up to supplement my main distraction of late, putting out fires.  And Dave wins the Official Best Boyfriend Award this month for going out of his way to help with all the various whatevers related to the aforementioned events.  I learned to drive a stick and make something resembling yarn with a drop spindle.  Also, yellow forms are extremely important.  That’s really the short of it.  But to further elaborate…

My Car

A week ago Sunday I wrapped up the day early, made a somewhat involved dinner (grilled honey chicken with fennel over couscous with a medley of root vegetables, actually) and settled in for the night.  At about ten o’clock, we hear this explosive noise out front and of course, go racing for the door.  Dave asked rhetorically, “What was THAT?” and I answered, “Someone’s car,” sort of knowing somehow it was mine.  And sure enough, I open the door to see nothing but my car, which had previously been neatly parallel parked, angled out into the middle of my street, and some neighbors on the balcony across the street gesturing, “he’s down there.”  After, rather comically I imagine, running into the street, seeing the thoroughly smashed side of my vehicle, and loudly issuing an expletive, I look down the street and see break lights on the side of the next block.  At this point, all my neighbors are filtering into the street.  I head inside for my phone, and Dave and my neighbor Todd- both shoeless- start down the street to deal with that.

I stayed with my crippled vehicle waiting for the police and talking to my neighbors.  Apparently, the driver who hit my car broke his front axel, but was so intoxicated he didn’t realize it.  He tried to flee the scene on foot, but some of my neighbors chased him down.  He then tried to leave again, given that his front wheel was orientated sideways, he was… unsuccessful.  He also crawled under his vehicle in a vauge attempt to repair it.  Hopefully you’re getting a picture here.

Eventually, the driver was taken off to jail, no license, no insurance, and I drank half a bottle of wine, disconnected my car battery, and planned my strategy for getting to work. My insurance company has been great, they’re trying to contact the owner of the vehicle.  Conclusion: this is one of those “Sorry, you lose.  Please spin again.” sort of situations.  Fortunantly, it’s pretty much solved in the short term.  Anybody want to buy an undrivable vehicle?

Things I’ve learned:

Should you ever have a need to acquire a police report, you must show up at a particular office downtown, in person, sign a yellow form, and pay for it.  (People who are trying to get different forms to solve different problems get different colors, like blue or maybe green, so that all the kids can identify who’s sitting in the waiting area because they’re in trouble with the principal and who’s just here to see the nurse so they can go home already.)

Also, purchasing extra insurance, while not required, is apparently something one should do.  We all need more things to spend money on in case we find ourselves without the money to cover the expenses incrued during an unforeseen event because we’ve already used all of our money purchasing additional insurance.  Check.  But really, dear banking establishment, this was not the most optimal week to call me to discuss your desire for me to purchase identity theft insurance.  You and I both know that you’re just desperate for fee income, and frankly, if someone would like my identity, I truly wish them good luck with that.

And finally, my neighbors are awesome, and also my boyfriend and my co-worker, who helped me get to work last week.

Further Bureaucracy

What is going on with the St Louis Water folks?  Hands down, worst customer service ever.  Granted, it seems they only employ one poor woman who is probably harrassed to death, but really.  Hanging up on someone isn’t really an effective way to handle problems.

Apparently, a crew is currently at work in the area, hopefully dealing with the mysterious leak, but I have no idea what’s going on.  Don’t they have those door hangy things anymore?

More things I’ve learned:

Should your water be disconnected, it is amazingly complex to sort out the particulars, and, much like obtaining a police report, you must show up, in person, at a particular office, to sign a yellow form.  Of course, this, like all yellow forms, must be completed between the hours of 8AM and 5PM, when you’re probably obligated to be at work, trying not to get fired and to earn some money so that you can buy yourself some additional insurance.  I am not at all surprised that they’re having such trouble sorting things out on Capital Hill.  Obviously, someone didn’t show up at the designated office during the appointed hours to complete their paperwork.

Also, if you think of your life as a really long camping trip, brushing your teeth in a cup isn’t quite as distressing.

To be continued, on a brighter note, I promise…