Stiff Upper Lip?

So I’m sort of a closet klutz. People have complimented me for grace and poise and some general je ne sais quoi they perceive, but if you know me very well at all, you eventually observe that I bump my head frequently, and occasionally have a more humorous and dramatic mishap. I remember when in high school my gym teacher remarked to the entire class that my dismal failure at springing over the vault thing was reminiscent of a dying swan performance. Heavens, I can’t imagine why I always got along better with the English teachers… Then as an adult there was the time when during a toast of jagermeister shots, a fellow celebrant and I collided, causing the full shot glass to spiral impressively through the air depositing its stingy contents directly into my right eyeball.

I had a rather ick day yesterday. Nothing serious or terribly significant, just the sort of day when seemingly 1,000 little things conspire to go wrong and slowly bury one’s moxie in an overgrown roadside ditch. Then last night, just when I thought it was over, I fell flat on my face.

No, literally. I fell, landing onto my face. Primarily, onto my mouth. Go ahead, you can laugh. It’s amusing.

Somehow, in the silly way that I fell, my arms and legs were completely tangled and I couldn’t catch myself, causing my face to slam first into a nearby chair, which apparently has it in for me, then bouncing off the chair and onto the floor, with the rest of my body pretty much heaped on top of it. After this exciting dissent, I was very still and calm for a moment, which is typically of me during such an event, but apparently onlookers feared that I had done broke my neck or kilt myself. In fact, I was still only because my entire face was so numb that I couldn’t feel it, and I was attempting to ascertain whether the liquid splashing onto the floor was blood. Because it was a clear liquid, I eventually deduced that it was tears, although I wasn’t actually crying it seemed, but rather water was just leaking out of my left eye. I was then able to pick myself up, poke my face to make sure it was still there, and head to the mirror to access the damage. Somehow, there was very little, just a tiny cut on my lip that threatened to split and bleed, but never did. Thank heavens. Much as I might enjoy watching a boxing match, I don’t think I’m into the prize fighter look for myself.

However….

Even though I immediately put ice on it for a couple of hours, my upper lip is currently swollen to twice its normal size. It hurts a bit, especially when I drink coffee, but mostly just looks ridiculous. I can’t quite decide if I look like I’ve been in a fight or had botched botox.

Every once in a while I have this urge to burst into giggles about it. But it stings when I smile…